Achieve Your Goals and Become Successful: Look in the Mirror More Often

To achieve more, perform better, and become happier, it’s important to regularly reflect on your own behavior. In this column, Marije de Vries explains how you can do that.

How often do you think about your own behavior?

Probably less often than you look in the mirror. This is understandable since 95 percent of our behavior happens automatically. But what if you became more aware and reduced that percentage? The results can be astonishing! Neuroscientists and psychologists say that this increased awareness will help you achieve more, learn better, perform better, and be happier.

Metacognition

This process is called metacognition, which means awareness of your own consciousness. By becoming aware of your behavior and thoughts, you can learn new things, address unwanted behaviors, and grow personally. Essentially, it means looking at yourself more often.

Question yourself

An effective way to train metacognition is to question yourself. Suppose you’ve decided to live a less stressful life, be more patient with colleagues and children, go to bed on time, and take more time for yourself. But you notice you’re falling back into old habits: rushing through the day, snapping at others, and feeling tense. Again, no relaxation, no exercise, and you find yourself on the couch with a glass of wine and snacks. What now? Rewind the day in your mind.

Think about it: why was I stressed today? What thoughts and beliefs are associated with this? Maybe you think: my to-do list had to be finished, or: I’m more productive without breaks.

The perfect excuse

Beliefs can be a significant obstacle during the process of change or growth. These are thoughts you have come to see as truths, either consciously or unconsciously. For example: hard work is essential for success, I’m bad at languages, I’m just busy by nature, a leader must stay strong, I’m shy, I enjoy life’s pleasures, or life must be fun.

It’s easy to hide behind these beliefs because they form the perfect excuse not to change. Try to turn your beliefs around. Say things like: exercise is part of me, rest is necessary for success, or being fit is important to me. Say this regularly to yourself (in the mirror), and you’ll start to believe it and act on it subconsciously.

Become more aware

Sustainable change doesn’t happen by itself. It’s important to hit the brakes as early as possible. When should you do this? As soon as you catch yourself exhibiting unconscious, unwanted behaviors or beliefs. This trains your brain to observe yourself, making you increasingly aware. Take regular breaks. A walk, a coffee break, a moment in the bathroom, or a look in the mirror. And always reflect at the end of the day.

By consciously pausing, you give yourself the chance to make a deliberate choice. Do you choose the old, familiar path, or is this the moment to do something different? If you choose to rush through the day or spend the evening in a Netflix bubble, at least it’s a conscious choice and not the result of stress, self-pity, or an unhealthy belief.